Flame and Starlight (The Esteria Series Book 1) Read online

  “Whiskey,” he answered and made his way back to his desk. “But everything is going to taste better to you now that you’re Fae. Your taste buds are heightened.”

  Emric walked in and let his hair drop out of the bun and fall to his shoulders. He ran his hands through it a few times before pouring himself a glass of whiskey. He downed it in one go, poured another glass for himself, and filled my now empty one before making his way over to the couch.

  “What’d I miss?” He reclined and crossed his legs, one ankle resting on the knee of the other.

  “I was just about to tell Alyssandra what the creatures were in the woods that chased her.” Emric raised his eyebrows at that and took another drink.

  “The floor is yours,” Emric said. Asher leaned on the side of the desk facing me and crossed his arms.

  “There are a lot of creatures that call Esteria home that are not Faeries. And tonight it seems some Serrens came across your scent. Their hunger is fierce. They’re some evil little shits that will skin you alive and suck the fat off your bones.” I shivered at the thought of the hot breath I felt on my ear as Isolde pushed us past the castle gates.

  “Did you have to fight them?” I asked. “I know at least one followed me. I could hear the trees breaking behind me, and I know I felt it close to me.” I took another drink. My body started to get warm under the influence of it. I wasn’t a lightweight per se, but if I was drinking straight whiskey, I wouldn’t last long.

  “A couple stayed behind, but I took care of them. By the time I was done, you were already crawling out of the lake.”

  “You don’t look like you had a fight,” I said, looking over his face and arms for any sign of scratches or bruises. Nothing.

  “Contrary to what you saw on Mayassar, I’m not an easy target. I’m over four hundred years old, Alys. Give me some credit.” Emric snorted at that and then became very interested in the fabric of the couch when Asher turned his stare to him.

  “Okay, so the woods aren’t the safest place to be at night. Got it.” I took another drink and found my glass was empty again. I went to the little bar and filled my glass back up. My hair was starting to give me a headache from the weight of it on top of my head. I took it down and shook it out before leaning against the bar.

  Asher cleared his throat and seemed to struggle to take his eyes off me. He sat back down in his chair, leaned his elbows on his knees, and looked up at me through his stupidly long lashes. God, sometimes I really wanted to punch his pretty face. I turned my attention to his shadows dancing in the firelight. I was definitely starting to feel the heated, sluggish effects of the whiskey.

  “Alys,” he said, his voice curling around me like the smoke around him.

  “Yea?” I asked, pulling my eyes to his.

  “I’d like to discuss what you saw in the lake tonight. Or rather who you saw in the lake tonight.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  I looked from Asher to Emric and back again. Both of their eyes were on me, waiting for me to tell my story. It was hard to remember, both because it all happened so fast and because the whiskey was clouding my mind with my own shadows. I poured myself a glass of water instead and took a sip.

  “When I was riding Isolde, I started talking to Nyxa. She is the only Goddess or God that I know of here, and I thought it would be better to pray to her than a mortal one.” I swallowed at the memory coming back. “I was running once I got inside the gates because Isolde had thrown me. I decided that I would run across the lake instead of around it because I figured it had been cold enough for long enough that it would be frozen. And I didn’t have to go through the dead center of it.” I looked up, and my eyes caught Emric’s violet ones, staring through the strands of dark hair that fell across his face. He nodded to urge me on. I sighed.

  “I felt the ice cracking,” I continued. “I could feel it shift and move underneath me, so I ran harder. I thought I could make it, but I didn’t. When it opened beneath me, I fell into the ice, and I swear I heard my ribs crack in half.” I winced, thinking about that sharp pain. “Anyway, I tried to swim, but it was just too cold. So I kept sinking and sinking. My lungs burned with the effort of holding my breath. Just when I was beginning to give up, I begged Nyxa to save me again. Then she was there. Her eyes—” I shivered at the thought. “They were white and glowed hot. Her skin looked so pale against her black hair. She told me it wasn’t my time to die and told me to change. She touched my forehead, and then I guess that’s when the change happened.”

  “I think we’ve had this all wrong from the beginning, Ash,” Emric said as he reclined back into the arm of the couch.

  “What do you mean?” Asher asked, and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed his eyes seemed to linger on me.

  “We may have had it wrong. I mean, we know she has Fae in her. We know that side has come through now. But I don’t see any sign of the Autumn Court.”

  I looked down at my hands, thankful my fingertips were free of soot. I flexed them in and out of a fist, testing to see if there was a sense of fire there. Nothing but empty palms stared back at me.

  “Her ears are pointed, she’s got our strength, and I can smell her from here.”

  “Excuse me?” I cut in sharply.

  “You smell different,” Asher said with a wave of his hand, dismissing me and going back to acting like I wasn’t there. Like it was the most normal thing in the world for them to be able to smell me. “What’re you thinking, Emric?”

  “I’m not saying I have the answers, but what I am saying is that she could be a different kind of changeling. Up until very recently, it was done quite often. She could’ve been sent out there to protect her identity. What if her mother—” Emric looked at me reluctantly before continuing. “What if her human mother isn’t her birth mother.”

  I stopped breathing. “Wait a second. There’s a lot for me to digest there.” They both looked at me as I began to pace in front of Asher’s desk, my steps only slightly wobbling. “Are you trying to tell me that I now smell like a Faery and that the woman that I grew up believing was my mother was not, in fact, my mother?”

  “Alys.” The commanding tone of Asher’s voice stopped me in my tracks. I turned to meet his eyes and blinked away the tears from my own. “She was still your mother. She still raised you. But I’m thinking Emric may be right. I think she may not have been your biological mother. Nyxa gave you life—she saved you. Gods are not known for their kindness. And I cannot imagine her bestowing such gifts on someone that’s half human.”

  Ouch. I felt myself flinch. Ever since I got here, I was just a weak, useless human. A mortal that was more of a liability than anything.

  “She has to have a motive, a reason,” he finished.

  “So I’m not a halfling, then? What am I?”

  “I’m not sure. But you do smell more like a Faery and less like a human. There’s something different on the edge of your scent, but I can’t place it.” Both of their nostrils flared slightly as they tried to catch my scent.

  “Okay, can we not smell me, please? That’s just fucking weird.” I crossed my arms over my chest and made my way back to the bar. I took another shot of whiskey straight from the bottle.

  “If she’s something other than Fae and human, she is far more important than anything Theron has planned for her. If he actually has anything other than death planned,” Asher said flippantly with a wide smile lighting up his face, fangs out for me to see on either side of his mouth. I flashed my newly grown fangs right back at him with a clack of my teeth as I bit the air in his direction. He smiled appreciatively and downed the rest of the whiskey in his glass.

  I looked out the window and watched the stars dance against the sky and sighed. I felt like I was losing my mother all over again. I already had to watch her wither away and die a painful death once in my life. Now here I was, finding out that she might not have even been my mother. And if she wasn’t, who was? Was my real mother just as evil as they claimed Theron to be?
I couldn’t imagine any decent person sleeping with such a horrible man.

  “I think I’ve had enough excitement for the night,” Emric said, standing. I looked at him over my shoulder and smiled at him.

  “Good night, Em,” I said.

  “Night, Wheezy,” he said with a wink, and the door clicked shut behind him. I walked over and took his spot on the couch, letting the heat of the fire mingle with the heat from the whiskey.

  “You don’t smell bad, if that’s what you’re worrying about,” Asher said, joining me on the couch, handing me another glass of whiskey. I rolled my eyes.

  “Trying to get me drunk, High Lord?” He smiled and took a sip from his own glass. He looked from me to the fire, and when his eyes met mine again, the smile had left them.

  “I’m just thinking you’ve had quite the night. Whiskey isn’t a cure-all, but it definitely won’t hurt.”

  I nodded and drank deeply. I sank further into the couch, curling my toes under his thighs, and sat the glass on the floor.

  “What do I smell like, then?” I asked, stuffing my hands under my legs. He reclined his head and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. There was something attractive in the primal way his nostrils flared.

  “Like sweet oranges and spiced chocolate.” His voice came out deep and gruff, like it fought its way out of his throat. The way he was able to pin down my scent so clearly shocked me, but I recovered quickly. I had always been able to smell him, so I guessed it wasn’t that strange to have a scent.

  “Okay,” I said, mimicking his posture, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. “You have a scent, too, you know.” I felt him shift his attention towards me.

  “And that is?”

  “Jasmine and cedar. Sometimes the scent on your shadows kind of remind me of cold mountain air.” He made a small approving noise, and we fell into silence.

  I could feel my newfound power vibrating beneath my skin. I was hyperaware of everything in the room. The fire felt hotter, the aftertaste of the whiskey tasted sweeter, and Asher’s magick felt stronger, palpable in the air around me. I could sense him there, the heat from his thigh warming my toes that curled into the cushions. It felt like his power called to mine like magnets to metal. It was a tangible thing, moving and purring against mine.

  “What’re you doing?” I thought I heard him ask. But blood was rushing through my ears as I tried to control my magick. I sensed his breathing pick up, shallow and quick. I reached out in my mind, imagining his magick as his shadows were, midnight black and swirling, and gently took it in between my fingers. I smiled. His magick was soft as silk and crawled slowly up my forearm, like it was searching for the manifestation of my power.

  “Alyssandra,” Asher said, and my eyes sprang open. He was pale, and his forehead was slick with sweat. “Stop. Let go, please,” he said through clenched teeth. I shook the haze from my thoughts, mentally shook magick from my arm, and sat up straighter. His shoulders slumped, and the color started to creep back into his face.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, curling my knees up to my chest. “I didn’t realize what I was doing.”

  He glanced at me, and I waited until his breathing returned to normal. He sat up and placed his elbows on his knees.

  “I’ve never had anyone able to touch my magick before. That’s what you were doing, right?”

  “I think? I could just sense it and—” I stopped trying to explain because I knew I couldn’t without sounding crazy.

  “You’re much stronger than I expected,” he said, and I thought I heard a hint of admiration in his voice.

  “Well, that’s good news. Once I learn how to use it properly, I’ll be able to take care of myself.”

  “It is a relief,” he said bluntly, staring into the fire. I ignored the sinking feeling in my gut. I didn’t like change, and I didn’t like that once I could take care of myself, he could and probably would kick me out. “The Winter Solstice is coming up in a week,” he said, suddenly changing the subject.

  “Do you celebrate Christmas?” I crossed my legs like a pretzel and leaned closer.

  “Kind of,” he said, a smile playing at his lips.

  “I love Christmas.” I smiled when he looked up at me. “My mom used to go crazy for it. She would decorate the entire house until it lit up like a Christmas tree, inside and out.” I ignored the dull ache in my heart. Even if she hadn’t given birth to me, it didn’t make her any less of a mother. And it certainly didn’t ease the pain of missing her.

  “Well, I thought we might go to the Winter Court for the Solstice. They’re close to me, in distance and in a political relationship. I’ve been invited and, if you wanted to get out of here for a while, you could come with me.”

  My heart beat so hard in my chest I thought it might burst free. “I can come with you? What about keeping me hidden?”

  He leaned back into the couch and crossed one leg over the other. “You’ve been locked away long enough.” He sighed. “Honestly, I’m sure he knows by now that I’m the one that took you.” He finished his drink. “His court won’t be invited. It will be safe enough.” His eyes locked on mine then, turning my already warm insides to mush. “And I won’t let you out of my sight, dearest.”

  I swallowed, wondering if that was a threat or a promise.

  “I’d love to go.”

  “Good.” He smiled. “There’s something else, Alys.” He took a breath and looked past me. “I’d like to ask for your help.”

  “Okay,” I said tentatively.

  “I’d like you to use your gift while we’re there. It could really help me figure out who my allies are.”

  Oh.

  I tried not to let it hurt my feelings that I had read the situation differently. I cringed and assured myself he didn’t know what it felt like to feel others’ emotions. Because if he did, he wouldn’t be asking me this. I eyed him warily. He may have gone about it the wrong way, but he did supposedly save my life by stealing me away. He’d given me a place to stay and food to eat. Would it really be so awful to spend a weekend helping him trust the people around him?

  “I can try.”

  His lips turned up in a grim smile. Maybe he did know what he was asking of me after all. He stood, offering me his hand. I looked at it and pushed myself up and off the couch without touching him. His face fell, but a smirk was painted back across his mouth so quickly that I wasn’t sure I actually saw it happen.

  “I’ll have Mavka pack your things. We leave in four days.” He turned his back on me as he went to sit at his desk. The floor felt colder now under my bare feet as I silently made my way to the door.

  “Good night,” I whispered as I pulled the door shut behind me.

  Part Two

  Winter

  Chapter Fourteen

  I watched as Mavka pulled each dress off a rack and explained what they were for. I had day dresses, evening gowns, and plenty of cloaks, gloves, and hats. I wanted to ask why I would have to change so many times throughout the day, but she looked as though she was enjoying herself, and I didn’t want to spoil it. Each dress got meticulously folded and placed into a wooden trunk at the foot of my bed.

  I stood, leaning against the bedpost, watching as layer upon layer of fabric was packed up for me. I was dressed in a long-sleeve dress with a neckline that stopped right at my collarbone. The material wasn’t as heavy as velvet, but it was thick and warm and brushed the ground when I walked. The cut in the side of it that ended just above my knee was the only part of it that exposed any skin. It was a sage-green color, and the heels I was told I had to wear were nude with a thick heel.

  “Why do I have to dress up for the carriage ride there?” I had asked Mavka as she buttoned the long line of buttons up my spine.

  “When you get there, you will be seen by many High Fae. You have to look the part.” The so-called “part” she referred to was the story Asher had come up with in the past few days. I would be a soul that had begged for her life back, and in exchange for a
lifetime of servitude, he spared “my pretty face,” were his exact words.

  As Mavka placed the last dress in my trunk, Asher waltzed into my room like he owned the place. Which, I guessed, he technically did. His normally unruly waves were combed back out of his face, accentuating the sharp lines of his cheekbones. He was, as always, dressed head to toe in all black.

  “I could’ve been naked!” I exclaimed in his direction. Mavka balked at me and paled, but Asher didn’t miss a beat.

  “How unfortunate I didn’t come earlier, then.”

  “Very funny. Are we ready to go?”

  “We are. Mavka,” he said as she clicked the trunk closed. “I’d like a moment alone with Alyssandra.”

  “Of course,” she said and patted his arm on the way out.

  “Do you remember your name that we settled on?” He toyed with the heavy fabric around my bed.

  “It’s not like it’s drastically different. I’ve had people call me Lyssa before in my life.” Only one, I thought, and Thomas’ handsome face flashed before my eyes. Asher nodded.

  “I have something for you.” He walked over to me and pulled a dagger from out of his back pocket. It sat inside a stiff holder with two long leather straps that came out of the back. One near the hilt and the other at the tip. “Fae can only be killed by the wood of an Ash tree.”

  I felt my eyebrows scrunch together. “Are you named after a tree that can kill you?”

  “Theron’s idea of a sick joke.” I swallowed and reached out to touch the handle. He let me pull it out gently. It felt smooth, and I liked the weight of it in my hand. I had trained with swords and daggers of all sorts with Emric, but this felt different. This one felt like mine. I tossed it in the air with a flick of my wrist, and it flipped backwards once before landing safely back in my palm. “Anyway, there is dust from the Ash tree that lines the inside of this holder, and so every time you pull it out, it will come out coated in the stuff. If you draw blood, you’ll likely kill them.”