Flame and Starlight (The Esteria Series Book 1) Page 13

  Leona. Leona. Leona.

  “You need to control your magick, little duck,” he said out of the corner of his mouth.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered back. “I’m not sure what happened.”

  He looked at me then and stopped to the side of the doors. “Either you’re just exhausted from the travel or…” He got a wicked glint in his eyes, and his hand grazed my collarbone, and then his fingers wrapped themselves around my throat. His thumb caressed my jaw. “Or you wanted to rip off Leona’s pretty little head out of jealousy.”

  I scoffed. He called her pretty. My stomach clenched.

  “I’m exhausted,” I managed.

  His hand slipped from my throat and patted the top of my head condescendingly.

  “Sure, little duck. Keep telling yourself that.” I swatted his hand away. “But there will be plenty of dancing to be had the rest of the trip. I think we should get you back before you decide to light the ballroom on fire.” I flipped him off where no one else could see. He tilted his head back in laughter and opened the door.

  It was snowing, and I lifted my head to the sky to catch flakes of it on my tongue. He watched me for a moment before his wings flared out to his sides.

  “It’ll be quicker than walking.” He shrugged. I took one last glance around the village and smiled at the kids running around the market stalls.

  “Okay,” I said with a sigh. “Let’s do this.” I walked over to him and reached up to adjust his crown that had fallen to the side over the course of the night. He bent closer to help me reach it. Once I had finished, he scooped me up, and I buried my head into his neck. I told myself it was to hide from the impending view, but at this point, I wasn’t sure that was entirely true. I breathed in his scent, and it made my magick pulse.

  I peeked over his shoulder as he stretched his wings wide. The subtle blues and purples caught in the firelight around us before he pushed off and we were in the air. I squeezed my eyes shut and dug my fingers into his neck.

  “I’m not going to let you fall, Alys,” he said over the roar of the wind.

  Ugh, what a cliché, I thought. I think I already have.

  Murderer, Alys. Murderer, I chided myself.

  As he flew us back to our little cabin, I thought back to what happened in the dining hall. It was a different side to my magick, and it was speaking to me, calling out for me to use it. It felt dark, and it was buried deep inside myself. The strange thing was, as terrifying as I found it to be, I had wanted to obey it.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “I gave you a gift, and you are denying it,” she whispered through the darkness. I looked around, trying to find where the voice was coming from. “All that power,” she tsked. “Just going to waste playing the role of his pet.” The voice reverberated around my entire body, making my adrenaline rage.

  “Who are you?” I screamed into the distance.

  “I know you can feel it, Alyssandra.” My name came out as a hiss. “It calls to you. Begs to be used.” Hands gripped the back of my shoulders, and I tried to spin around and pull away, but she held firm. All I saw were her glowing white eyes in a sea of black. Nyxa.

  “Let go of me!” My heart was pounding, and my palms were sweaty. I couldn’t breathe.

  “Use it. Use it. Use it! Use it! Use it! Use it!” she screamed and screamed at me. “Kill him. Kill him. Kill him! Kill him!” Her fingers gripped into my shoulder so hard I knew I’d have bruises. I squeezed my eyes shut, and a scream ripped out of my throat.

  “Hey! Alyssandra!” The hands on my shoulders started shaking me.

  “No! Get off of me!” I could feel myself thrashing and fighting against her.

  “Alys!” A sharp smack across my face caused my eyes to fly open, and I jolted upright, smacking my forehead right into Asher’s nose. “Fuck!” His hand gripped his nose, a little trail of blood dotting his upper lip.

  “Oh, shit!” I reached out to try and help, but really I had no idea what I could do, so I dropped them back down. I tried to bring myself out of the dream, looking around and telling myself I was safe and fine. I was in the tree house cabin, in bed, in the Winter Court. Asher was sitting on the edge of the bed, his hair mussed from sleep, and shirtless, showing off all his murder tattoos that snaked across his body. They did, in fact, cover his entire back as well. His entire…muscled…back.

  “What were you dreaming about?” He jerked his nose and grunted through the pain of resetting it before it could heal crooked.

  “I’m not sure.” I rubbed my forehead where it had collided with his nose. “It was dark. Something was talking to me about my power.” I left out the bit where I knew that it was Nyxa. “You slapped me!” I suddenly remembered.

  “Yeah, well, you broke my nose.” He gave me a pointed look, and I shrugged, causing the thin strip of my nightgown to fall off my shoulder. His eyes followed it and lingered there. I took a deep breath against the warmth pooling in my center and pulled the strap back up on my shoulder.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled. “Thanks for getting me out of it, though. Even if your tactics sucked.” I pulled the covers a bit further up my waist. He laughed and stood up to stretch. I shamelessly watched as his abs moved while he stretched his arms above his head. “You can sleep in here, you know.”

  He dropped his arms to his sides and raised an eyebrow. “Are you coming on to me, little duck?”

  I sighed and lay back into the pillows. “In your dreams. I’m only saying that the couch can’t be that comfortable, and this bed is plenty big enough for two. I’ve shared a bed with plenty of friends before. But by all means, go back to laying your six-and-a-half-foot body on that tiny couch.”

  He smiled and walked his way around the foot of the bed and to the other side. I locked my eyes onto the ceiling, refusing to look at him as he crawled in. The bed sank under his weight as I clasped my hands together on my stomach.

  “If you snore, I’ll kick you out,” he said as he settled in.

  “Hilarious.”

  I heard him laugh to himself. I dared to look at him out of the corner of my eye. Sleeping was going to be impossible. He lay there with his right arm tucked under his head and the other hand resting casually on his chest. His dust, which I was actually beginning to find beautiful, danced slowly under his skin in time with his shadows that spread under the sheets.

  “Go to sleep, Alys,” he said sleepily, his eyes still shut. Realizing that I had been staring, I clamped my eyes shut and turned on my side, away from him

  He has murdered people, Alys.

  I repeated that mantra in my head, begging my body to listen to my brain.

  But maybe there’s a bigger reason.

  He rolled over, and even though he was on the opposite side of the bed, I could feel his breath tickle my bare shoulder. Eventually, sleep pulled me in. As it did, I thought I felt his fingers gently run through the ends of my hair. Gooseflesh broke out across my skin as I smiled and let myself sink into a dreamless sleep.

  I rolled over in the morning to an empty bed. I sat up quickly and looked around, but Asher wasn’t in the room. A sliver of anxiety crept its way into the pit of my stomach. I hadn’t felt it in so long it was almost a foreign feeling. The sun was shining through the trees, casting odd shadows across the floor. I climbed out of bed and threw my hair up into a knot on the top of my head and made my way out into the main room of the house. Asher was sitting cross-legged in one of the chairs next to the fire, reading a book. That knot of anxiety that had formed suddenly relaxed at the sight of him.

  “What time is it?”

  “Almost noon. I figured you needed your sleep. You were rolling around all night.” He gave me a pointed look.

  “Noon? You let me sleep half the day away?” I walked in front of him and plopped down in the chair opposite, not caring when the silk nightgown slid up my thighs.

  “Like I said, I thought you needed the sleep. If you get dressed,” he said, eyeing my exposed skin over his book, “we could go int
o town and shop around the markets. Maybe get some lunch since you slept through breakfast.”

  “You don’t have to tell me twice!” I stood up to run back and get ready, but he grabbed my arm to stop me. I didn’t think I would ever get used to his emotions rolling into me.

  “Wear your hair down,” he said, his eyes locked on mine. I nodded, and he let my arm slide through his fingers.

  After we had lunch in a cute bakery, he walked me to the Solstice markets. Since our arrival last night, warm string lights had been hung, crisscrossing across the square. I looked around at all the people talking and laughing with each other, holding on to their children’s hands, and thought how normal everything seemed. It was almost human.

  “I’ve never seen you like this,” I said, tugging a bit at his wool coat.

  “Like what?”

  “Relaxed.” He snorted. “No, seriously. You’re all jokey and almost nice. Is it my charm that’s slowly chipping away at your icy exterior?” I asked dramatically.

  “It helps that I’m not worried about a little human girl wandering around trying to get herself killed. You can take care of yourself now.”

  I rolled my eyes and tugged him over to the first stall. It was filled with rings, bracelets, and necklaces, all adorned with beautiful gemstones. A shimmering white opal ring caught my eye.

  “That’s beautiful,” I gushed to the seller. “Do you make these?” She smiled and nodded, her lilac eyes lighting up with my praise.

  “Charge it to my account, please.” Her smile grew, showing her sharp white teeth, and I whipped my head around to him as he picked it up. “Which finger?” I held my right hand up and flipped him off. He laughed and slid it on. “That’s a great way to say thank you.”

  “Thank you,” I said. And I meant it. It was beautiful. He shrugged and offered me his arm again.

  “To answer your question more seriously,” he said as I eyed all the trinkets and crafts. “It does, in fact, help that I know you’re strong enough to take care of yourself. But it’s also nice to get out of my court and my worries for a few days. I know Emric is keeping an eye on things. This is a vacation for me, too.”

  “I get that.” We walked up to a small red cart with a male shoving warm sugared pecans into bags. Asher bought a bag and handed it to me after he took a few in his palm.

  “Can I ask you something personal?” I shoved a couple of pecans in my mouth and looked up at him.

  “I’m surprised you even asked permission.”

  I rolled my eyes and groaned. Those pecans were a small piece of heaven.

  “I know you told me about your tattoos to scare me.” I felt him stiffen under my grip, but I pushed on. “But you didn’t tell me the reason behind them all. The reason you had to do what you did. Because I think that maybe there was a reason behind each of them. Maybe it’s not the most moral reason, but I have a hard time believing you murdered people for fun.”

  He sighed. “A couple centuries ago, there was a war. And I fought in it.” He took a breath. “And I was good at it. The monster that Theron had created inside of me reared its ugly head. I fought alongside my family, my real family. But any blood relative I had left perished in that war. So that’s how I got my title, through bloodshed and loss.” Each sentence came out short and clipped. Like he couldn’t get it out of his mouth quickly enough. I looked at each stall we passed, but I wasn’t really seeing anything.

  “What was the war fought over?”

  He gave a harsh laugh. “What is any war fought over? Egos and territory.” I nodded. “Each tattoo is a symbol for a life I took fighting for another male’s stupidity and fragile masculinity. I was young and hotheaded, and my monster ran wild then. I had no control over it. I took more lives than were necessary in the bloodshed.” I gave his forearm a quick squeeze, but he was off in his own thoughts, his shadows more restless now.

  “Let’s get some hot chocolate,” I said, trying to pull him back. I could see him try to mentally shake off the past I had brought back front and center. He smiled and pulled me in the direction of the hot chocolate.

  “Don’t ruin your dinner,” he said as he handed me a steaming cup.

  “Whoa,” I groaned, taking a sip. “This is the most amazing thing I have ever tasted in my entire life.” He smiled down at me, one of the rare smiles that actually reached his grey eyes, making them crinkle slightly at the sides.

  We spent a couple of hours at the markets, Asher buying me way too many things. When we left, both of his arms were laden with bags that were filled with clothes, jewelry, and too many different flavors of fudge to count. My own hands were full with more hot chocolate and sugared pecans to snack on until dinner. When we reached the tree line, we stayed on the forest floor, following the bridges above us to our own treehouse.

  “I honestly don’t know where you put it all,” he said as I shoved another handful of pecans into my mouth. I looked at him with my eyebrows scrunched together and then down at my body and then back to him.

  “Have you seen me?” I asked, knowing I was not a dainty flower. I was not that tiny blonde from last night. I had curves and a belly under this dress. His wings flared out from his back so suddenly that the gust of wind nearly knocked me down. He not so gently nudged me with one. “What?” I asked, regaining my balance. He rolled his eyes.

  “Hold on to your snacks, little duck,” he said and scooped me up into his arms. We were off the ground without another warning and landing at our front door above us. I opened the door for him and let him sit down my spoils. I grinned and thanked him again for everything he got me.

  “You’re welcome. With everything I may have put you through in the last few weeks, you probably deserve to be spoiled a little bit,” he said, pouring himself a glass of whiskey. I sorted through the bags and pulled out all the new things I wanted to wear tonight for dinner and started back down the hallway.

  “And Alyssandra?”

  “Hm?” I asked, turning around.

  “I never want to hear you talk about your body like that again.” He threw back the whiskey in one go and poured himself another. I nodded, even though he wasn’t looking at me. Lost for words, I turned and walked back to the room, the dust on my shoulder flaring with heat I tried to ignore.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I had butterflies in my stomach. Being out of the Night Court had Asher and me in our own little world. He didn’t have any responsibilities weighing over his head, and I was experiencing a whole new world for the first time. I had taken a nap after we got back from shopping before I had to get ready, and he came in to wake me up with a cup of coffee after his bath. His hair was still dripping down the thick column of his neck, and I followed each drop like I was parched.

  As I looked at myself in the mirror after an hour of getting ready, I was excited and confident. I was wearing a spaghetti-strap dress that was black with an ivy-like design laid over it in the same silver color as my starlight necklace. It seemed to move and dance over the fabric. It hugged my body but was loose enough you couldn’t see the dagger tucked tightly against my thigh. My opal ring Asher had purchased for me hadn’t left my finger since he placed it there.

  “I went out and got you something while you were sleeping.”

  I jumped at his voice and blushed at being caught staring at myself in the floor-length mirror. He was dressed in all black again, but tonight he was missing a tie, and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone, allowing the designs of his tattoos to poke out.

  “I think you’ve bought me enough today,” I said as he walked closer, both hands behind his back. He walked behind me, and we locked eyes in the mirror. He slowly brought a solid black tiara over the crown of my head and placed it gently in my hair. It was covered in jagged black quartz and small smooth pieces of onyx. It was beautiful, and I couldn’t take my eyes off it.

  “If you’re going to pretend to be my arm candy, you’re going to look damn powerful doing it.” He turned me around to face him an
d pushed my chin up. “Just because you’re here under those pretenses doesn’t mean you have to be meek and quiet. I think you know by now that’s not really my style, little duck.”

  I smiled and held my chin up high as I turned around and adjusted the tiara tighter against my hair. “We’re staying to dance tonight,” I said as a challenge, and I met his eyes in the mirror. A smirk played across his lips, but he agreed.

  “Should be interesting seeing as our dances are sure to be different from yours.”

  I paled. All I could imagine were the dances I saw in period films where they barely touched and had very specific steps to go by. Twerking probably wasn’t going to be their dance of choice. When he saw my ghostly face staring at him, he laughed.

  “Don’t worry, I can lead you through it. They won’t even know.” He winked and pulled my hair off my shoulders and to the nape of my neck, letting it fall down my back.

  “Just don’t let me fall. That would be mortifying,” I said as I followed him out of the cabin. He snorted and picked me up, his magic keeping us warm against the chill. I clung to his neck and pushed my face into his shoulder, hoping I wouldn’t smear red lipstick all over the fabric. I still wasn’t used to flying long distances, and my stomach dropped as he made his way above the trees. I was never a fan of heights. I could feel my legs clench together at the thought of falling.

  “Relax, Alys,” he whispered in my ear. I reluctantly released my death grip and peeked over his shoulder. We were going at a leisurely pace, and the large pine trees beneath us looked black in the setting sun. The feathers of his wings fluttered in the wind and shone blue in the dusky light. I looked up at him and watched his side profile.