Flame and Starlight (The Esteria Series Book 1) Read online

  “What have you felt from me?”

  “I only really touch you when we are fighting, and so you’re really focused and honed in on that. Not much room for emotion. Sometimes, though, I can feel your hesitation, like you’re wondering if the next punch you throw will be what sends me over the edge.” I swallowed another bite and smiled. “One time I touched you while we were both laughing at something Ideon had said, and your joy tasted light and fluffy like marshmallows.”

  He snorted softly at that and shook his head. “You know I have to tell Asher this, right?”

  I rolled my eyes but nodded. “Any insight as to where this magick comes from or why I have it before you go running to His Highness?” He took the apple out of my hand and bit into the other half.

  “If you keep calling him that…” He trailed off and shook his head with a smile. “I’m not sure where that gift comes from, Alys.”

  He saw it as a gift? I couldn’t really think of it that way, yet anyway. I didn’t see where it could help me in this world, still in a human body. If anything, it probably made me more of a target.

  “As far as I know, none of the High Fae from any court have that ability. Do me a favor?” he said. I took my apple back and nodded. “Don’t tell anyone else this, okay? Let me speak to Asher and see what his thoughts are.”

  I gave him a salute and jumped off the table. “Promise,” I said and chucked the apple core into the bin. “We still have a bit left before lunch.” I wiped my hands on my leggings and rolled my neck. “You going to come fight me, or have I worn you out?”

  He laughed and made his way towards where I was back in the middle of the room. “Careful, Wheezy,” he said, cracking his knuckles, “or we’ll find out just how long you can last against a Fae at full strength.”

  I leaned back, hand on my chest, with an exaggerated bark of a laugh. “Do you think His Highness would be pleased if you killed his little pet?” I asked as I squared up.

  “Hm, not sure.” He took a few steps towards me, and I backed up, still watching and waiting for him to strike. He took a giant leap towards me and laughed as I backed up quickly into the wall behind me. “Why don’t we ask him?” By his tone, I deduced it was Asher behind me, not a wall. I sighed deeply, still slightly pressed against him, refusing to give him a reaction. I turned around slowly and looked up at him. His stupidly beautiful mouth was cocked to the side, and his eyes were more blue today as humor danced in them.

  “Welcome home, Your Highness,” I said and dipped into a low curtsey. The humor left his eyes, and that smirk dropped off his face. Defeated, he clasped his hands behind his back and turned his attention to Emric behind me.

  “Lunch in my office, please, Emric. Thirty minutes.” I stood up out of my curtsey and stepped out of his way as he walked past me.

  “Hey!” I shouted after him and ran to keep up. I caught his bicep—his very hard bicep. He stopped and looked down at where my hand, dwarfed next to his arm, held on tightly. He looked back up at me.

  “Yes?”

  “I haven’t seen you in two weeks,” I stated lamely. I cursed myself for letting his muscles distract me.

  “Miss me?” A smile played on his lips, and his shadows swirled a little closer to me.

  “I missed getting answers. I tried to ask Emric questions, but I may as well try to get water out of a rock.” I heard Emric snort at that.

  “I will see you tonight at dinner, Alyssandra,” he said. I nodded, and my eyes drifted past him. I knew his lunch with Emric would be filled with updates about me, about my new gift. But I didn’t want our entire dinner to be about that. I needed to get answers to questions that had been floating around in my brain rent-free since he had left. I looked back to his face when I realized he was still standing there staring at me. My eyes moved to where his shadows had come closer now, rolling over my hand and up my forearm. They didn’t feel as cold as they used to. Now they felt more like fresh air, cool but not freezing.

  And, oh my Gods, I was still latched onto his arm. I dropped my hand like he was fire. His shadows scattered like I had startled them. His grin widened to a full smile, showing off those alarmingly straight, white teeth, fangs poking gently into his bottom lip.

  “Wear something pretty.” He winked and walked out of our training room. “I’ve missed the company of pretty women these past weeks.”

  I rolled my eyes and turned back to Emric, who was trying very hard to pretend he hadn’t been watching me embarrass myself. He had busied himself with cleaning up the equipment around the room.

  “You got this? I’m starving, and it sounds like you have places to be.”

  “Sure thing,” he said. “Go get ready for your hot date tonight.” He laughed deeply at that, finding himself very funny. I flipped him off and ran out of the room, eager for the rest of the day to pass quickly. Not because I was eager to see Asher, I told myself. I needed more information, and he was the only way I was going to get any.

  Chapter Nine

  I snuck out of my room before Mavka could come in and make me change. I knew Asher had told me to wear something pretty to get a reaction out of me, and by strutting into dinner in leggings, a sweater, and my training boots, I was giving him just that. But I couldn’t really make myself care. I was never one to do things people told me to do.

  The smirk Asher gave me as I walked into the dining room was exactly what I had expected, but it didn’t make me regret playing right into his hand. He had once said he didn’t want me following him around like a lost puppy, and I didn’t plan to.

  “Good evening,” I said, sitting down in the chair to his right.

  “Mm, indeed it is,” he said, smiling into his drink.

  The silence that stretched between us as we ate was awkward. The only noise in the room was the crackling of the fireplaces and my own chewing I could hear in my head. I realized as I sat there that I had expected him to dive right into conversation and ask me all sorts of questions about the updates he had received from Emric. Especially the newest about how I was able to feel other’s emotions. He didn’t, though. He sat there in silence, watching me take bite after bite as he ate his own dinner. I realized he must want me to tell him myself. But if I was honest, I wasn’t really sure where to start.

  After we finished, I opened my mouth to speak, but he got there first.

  “Let’s go for a walk.” I met his grey eyes and then looked outside. The snow was coming down softly, and I could only guess how cold it was out there. I loved the cold and the snow. I thought it was beautiful. But I didn’t like freezing my ass off in it. He stood up, and I looked back to him. “Come on,” he said through a smile. “I promise I won’t let you turn into a Popsicle.” I grunted and stood up to follow him down the same stairs I followed him down just a fortnight ago.

  “Shouldn’t I layer up?” I asked, my words echoing slightly off the stone walls around us.

  “Oh, ye of such little faith.” He looked at me over his shoulder, not missing a step, and winked. “My magick will keep you warm.”

  “That better not be an innuendo,” I shot back. He threw his head back in a burst of loud, throaty laughter. Up until then, I had never heard him really give in to laughter. It was infectious. I found myself laughing quietly behind him, unable to help it. We reached the main floor and walked through the hallway of portraits before coming up on the curved door he had left through on Mayassar.

  “I’m sure you’re getting a little stir-crazy.” He let the sentence hang in the air between us while the locks moved and shifted under his hand. I nodded when he looked back at me, my arms crossed against my chest bracing for the cold. It didn’t come, though. As the door swung open, the snow started to drift inside and onto the thick carpet, but the cold never reached me. I was encased in a bubble of magickal warmth.

  I couldn’t help it—I smiled as I looked up at him and then slinked past him and into the snow. Every time Emric and I had been outside, I had to layer up until we had worked for long en
ough that my body heat could keep me warm without them. But now I was outside in only one layer, and not a very thick one at that, hearing the snow crunch beneath my boots, and yet the cold didn’t touch me.

  I looked up into the night sky, inky black like Asher’s wings but lit up with a million stars. They were so bright they almost outshone the waxing moon sitting there half-full among them. The stars danced and swirled, and their light bled into the sky like a Van Gogh painting.

  “Whoa,” I whispered in awe, I realized I had always been asleep in bed by the time the sky looked like this. The training wore me out, and I made sure I was asleep early after dinner to prepare myself for the next day. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to sleep knowing it looked like this outside at night. I opened my mouth as a reflex and caught a few snowflakes on my tongue.

  “This way,” he said, brushing past me, making sure he bumped my shoulder to push me out of the way, and crunched ahead into the undisturbed snow. I followed him while looking around and taking in how beautiful the landscape looked in the falling snow and starlight. I loved the silence that came with fresh snowfall. Even the trees didn’t seem to move underneath the heavy blanket layering up on top of their branches. I breathed in the fresh scent, and it reminded me of Asher’s shadows, biting cold at first but then refreshing. It woke up my lungs and refreshed my face.

  “Did Emric tell you about my little trick?” I asked into the silence.

  “Little trick? I don’t think I would call it little or a trick.” He tucked his hands into his pockets and slowed down to let me catch up. I shrugged as I fell into step at his side.

  “Supposedly Emric has never heard of a Fae being able to do that? But you can feel my emotions through this,” I said, gesturing up at my neck. He glanced down at it out of the corner of his eye and then trained his eyes back ahead.

  “That’s only because a part of me is inside of you.” His lips twitched upward. “Now that was an innuendo,” he said, looking much too proud of himself. I rolled my eyes.

  “So, it’s true that no other Fae have been able to do this?”

  “Not that I’ve heard of in the time I’ve been around.”

  “And how long have you been around?”

  He snorted. “Emric said you asked him how old he is.” We were both silent for a moment. It was long enough that I thought he wasn’t going to tell me. But before I could fill the silence with another question, he answered me. “I’m four hundred and thirteen.”

  “Will I live that long?”

  “If we can manage to keep you alive and get your stubborn Fae side to kick in, I don’t see why you wouldn’t.” We were walking across the slight roll of a hill, and my calves started to strain with the effort. Maybe I wasn’t in as good of shape as I thought.

  “She isn’t stubborn,” I said, defending the Fae side of me. “She’s just shy.” His eye roll was so evident that I felt him do it. A large barnlike building was straight ahead, tucked into the edge of the woods. Before I could ask what it was and if that’s where we were going, Asher chimed in.

  “Call her whatever you like, but it doesn’t change the fact that without her, you’re too fragile to be here. Nonetheless, I think your gift could be helpful,” he said on a sigh. “But we aren’t going to use it until you’re fully Fae. Keep this knowledge to yourself in the meantime. It doesn’t need to go further than us three.”

  I nodded again. “Where are we going?”

  “The stables,” he said, nodding towards the barn in front of us. “I thought we could get around more quickly and see more on horseback.”

  “Horseback.” I swallowed and took hold of his forearm to slow him down. Even his forearm felt strong beneath the grey wool sweater he had on. “I don’t know how to…drive a horse,” I said for lack of a better word.

  His throaty laughter was back, crinkling the skin around his eyes. I really didn’t want to admit to myself that the butterflies I got were actually from his laugh and not the horses.

  “You drive a car and ride a horse, Alys.”

  “Whatever,” I mumbled and kept following. We reached the barn, and he pulled back the sliding door. Rows of horses stretched down the stables. He walked up to a tan horse that had a splotch of white across her nose. “Isolde here is a gentle beast. She’ll be good for your first ride.”

  I watched him silently as he took her out and saddled her up, all the while whispering sweet nothings at her and petting his hands down her long neck. It was a new side of Asher I hadn’t seen. He could actually be described as pleasant when he wasn’t yelling at me or baiting me with snarky remarks. His shadows were relaxed, free flowing in the breeze as he stepped back out of the stables.

  “Isolde, this is Alyssandra,” he said, leading her up to me. “Even though I know she can be quite taxing, I would appreciate your patience. You’ll be her first experience.”

  I glared at him and then turned a kind eye onto Isolde. Back in England, an ex’s family had had horses on their property. So I had been around them before, but not so close. I would feed them apples while they were locked in their stables, but I had never been around them while they were free in the fields. And I had definitely never ridden one of the beasts.

  Honestly, the sheer size of them sort of freaked me out. I tried not to let her smell it on me as I reached out slowly and stroked her white splotch with the back of my fingers. Her breath came out in a foggy snort as she shook her head. Asher motioned for me to come over next to him at the side of her.

  “Left foot in here, and hands up here,” he said, putting me in position. He hesitated and hovered his hands over my bare skin.

  “You can touch me,” I said, a bit defensively. “I can’t feel your emotions.”

  “Interesting,” he said, making contact with my hands and holding them onto the thing that looked like a gear shift at the front of the saddle. His fingers were cool, but his grip was strong. “You’re going to use this to keep your balance while you swing up and over.” He squeezed my hands for emphasis. I nodded. “On the count of three, I’ll help you get up.” I blew out a breath and nodded again. It really did suck to be short. The saddle on Isolde seemed completely out of reach.

  “One, two, three, up!” He grabbed me low on my hips on three, digging in his fingers a little harder than necessary, I thought, and practically threw me onto the saddle.

  “Christ,” I breathed and shifted a bit on the saddle to get comfortable. My legs felt a bit shaky at how far above the ground I was. How he thought I was going to be able to ride her on my own was beyond me. I could see Isolde running wild through the woods and me holding on for dear life.

  “Scoot up a bit,” he said, patting my thigh and grabbing onto the saddle in front of me. I shifted forward a bit, assuming I was sitting incorrectly. “Move your foot.” He took my foot out, and before I could look back down to ask if I was okay, he slid his foot in and jumped up on the saddle with me. His right leg swung around, and he settled in at my back. I leaned forward, trying not to let the entire length of his body press up against mine, but there was nowhere for me to go.

  “Excuse me!” I squeaked, swinging my gaze over my shoulder to stare him down. He reached around me and grabbed the ropes of leather off Isolde’s neck. His infuriating smirk was back as one of his arms snaked around my stomach and pulled me back to where I was before he joined me. I sucked in my stomach on instinct.

  “You didn’t think I’d let you drive a horse on your own for your first ride, did you?” I took a deep breath, trying to calm my temper that was so quick to flare up around him. “I can see it now,” he said, letting go of my waist and putting both hands on the reins. He nudged my other foot with his, and I took it out so he could replace it with his. “Isolde would get tired of your smart mouth and run off into the woods, leaving you clinging on for dear life.” I rolled my eyes at how similar our thoughts were. “Or maybe she’d just throw you off.” I felt his laugh rumble in his chest.

  The saddle wasn’t too small fo
r both of us to be on it, but it left not even a handsbreadth between us. From my knees to my shoulders, we were pressed tightly against each other. Even sitting, he was at least a whole head taller than me. I turned back around to face forward as he gave Isolde a little nudge, and we were off at a slow pace.

  I quickly realized that to ride a horse comfortably, your body, and your hips especially, have to move with the horse’s movements. As she walked on, we had to shift side to side slightly with each step. And since we were so close, our hips moved together in sync. My mind wandered a little too quickly to improper thoughts, and I felt heat crawl its way over my chest and up into my face, burning his dust on my neck. I knew he could probably feel exactly what I was feeling, but for once he was merciful and didn’t comment on it, leaving me to my own thoughts.

  “I thought I’d take you to town.” I jumped. His words pulled me out of my own mind. His breath was warm on my ear, and I tried to lean forward slightly to give us some distance. “I can’t risk you being seen by anyone, but there’s a beautiful view from up above all the cabins on the hillside and the shops further down along the canals. There’s nothing like Astraea on a snowy night.”

  “As long as I can ask you questions, you can take me wherever you want.” Isolde walked us over to the road that led from the castle and into the forest.

  “Imagine that,” he said much closer to my ear than I thought was necessary. Suddenly he gave Isolde an order, and she picked up the pace, causing me to bounce up and down awkwardly until I found her rhythm and learned how to move with her instead of sitting stiff against her. It did, however, mean Asher and I were moving against each other more quickly as well. But we were going too fast for me to think about much more than holding on. I was a bit breathless, but a slow smile formed across my lips.

  It was exhilarating.

  Chapter Ten