Flame and Starlight (The Esteria Series Book 1) Read online

  “If I could get some help, that would be great!” I yelled to no one in particular. “Can I get some wings? Some Fae speed?” I shouted between breaths. If my Fae side had kicked in, I would easily make it to land.

  But it didn’t. And I didn’t.

  The ice gave way, and I fell hard into the icy water, my ribs cracking against the edge of the open ice on my way down. I grunted as I kicked my legs and dug my nails into the snow, but the water was too cold. It froze my bottom half and shocked the rest of my body. My arms couldn’t hold me up against the momentum I had as I fell in.

  Water went up my nose as I sank deeper. It was dark, and I was panicking. I tried to kick and swim, but I just couldn’t. I knew how to swim, but this water froze the very blood in my veins. My muscles wouldn’t work. I screamed, but it was muted by the muddy water that floated in. All my life, I had been terrified of open water. I refused to swim in anything but a pool.

  What a cruel twist of fucking fate.

  My lungs started to ache, and my head swam. Any second now, my body would try to breathe of its own accord, and the cold water would fill my lungs. I had heard drowning was the most painful way to go, but down here, in this moment, it was quiet and almost peaceful. I thought of my mother, and a million memories flooded my brain, playing like movies. Without thinking, I sent up another quick prayer to Nyxa, in a last-ditch effort to survive. She was the only God I knew, and I figured it would be safer to pray to a God of this world than of my own. Stars swam into my vision, and my lungs burned with their demand for air.

  “Now is not your time, my child,” said an echoed voice. My lungs expanded with air, momentarily relieving the strain, and my eyes flew open. Light radiated around the figure in front of me. I blinked as I floated there in front of her. Her face was inches from mine as her white eyes gazed into my honey ones. Black hair swam around her glowing face. “Change,” she said.

  She touched the space in between my eyebrows, and blinding pain seared through every nerve in my body. I closed my eyes against the tortuous fire in my blood and felt myself fly through the water and up into the air above the lake. I crashed onto the side of the lake and screamed into it. It felt like claws were scraping down my back, like my bones were breaking at every angle. And then, as quickly as it had come, it was gone. I collapsed against the snow and breathed in the fresh air in heavy gulps.

  “Alys?” I heard Emric yell. “Alys!”

  “Here!” I tried to yell back. I must’ve been loud enough for his Fae hearing because I heard his steps come my way quickly. Where the hell had that Fae hearing been earlier?

  “Holy shit,” he said as he came upon me. I rolled up onto my knees, coughing and still struggling to breathe, and looked up at him. His hair was back in his normal top knot, but pieces had fallen out around his face from the wind.

  “Asher told me to run. Something was out there,” I croaked. He bent down and helped me stand up. His shock exploded through my veins, and I pulled away from him, rocking back on my heels, a bit off-balance. “Asher is still out there,” I said, looking around wildly like I might see him in the distance.

  “Alys, I don’t want you to freak out right now. So I need you to promise me that you are going to stay calm, okay?”

  I locked eyes with him then. “Where’s Asher, Emric?” I practically shouted at him. “Did he make it back?” Dread settled deep in my stomach. If Asher wasn’t around to give me shelter and safety anymore, I was screwed. Emric’s eyes darted over my body. “Emric!” I yelled, and he flinched. My shoulder warmed where Asher’s dust was and spread through my neck. I didn’t know how, but I just knew he was close. He was alive. I felt it in my bones that he was alive.

  “Asher?” I yelled into the open air, my eyes scanning the horizon. The stars and moon must’ve been shining more brightly then because I could see much more than I had been able to earlier. Wind swept through my hair, and my neck tingled as a loud thud sounded behind me. I whirled around and saw him standing there, wings shining black, blue, and purple in the starlight.

  Relief swept through me. I wanted to throw myself at him, but my body had other ideas. I went to take a step towards him, my heart pounding with relief, and fell to my knees in exhaustion. Emric and Asher both raced towards me, ready to catch me.

  “Please, don’t,” I said, holding a hand up at them. Emric seemed to understand and took a step back. But when I looked up, Asher knelt in front of me, wings magicked away. Even with him on his knees, I had to crane my head back to look at him. “I fell in the lake,” I said.

  “I see that,” he said with a small laugh. “How do you feel, Alys?”

  “Exhausted. Isolde threw me, and I ran as fast as I could. I tripped and hurt my ankle. And then to add insult to injury, I fell in the lake, and I’m pretty sure I cracked my ribs in the process.” I paused and remembered what happened in the water.

  He bent down more on my eye level and searched my eyes. “And then what happened, Alys?”

  I looked to the ground, sorting through my thoughts. “I-I’m not sure. I saw someone down there. She had white eyes, and her hair looked black. She was glowing.” I looked back up to his eyes. “She saved me.” I watched Asher and Emric look at each other, a thousand thoughts exchanged between them. “What?” I asked, looking back and forth between them.

  “Alys.” Asher’s voice came surprisingly gentle. “You’ve changed.”

  “Changed? Changed how? Wait, like, I’m Fae now?” I asked, looking down at my hands, but my fingers weren’t charred as I had expected being from the Autumn Court. I lifted my hands to my ears and felt them come to a point at the tips. I gasped and dropped my hands as I ran my tongue along my teeth. My eye teeth felt like they could slice right through it. They both watched me as I processed. I noticed I wasn’t as cold anymore. I could feel the chill in the air and snow under my knees, but it didn’t hurt me like it had earlier. The pain in my ankle and ribs was nearly gone now, thanks to my newfound healing abilities.

  “Alys, I don’t think it was your near drowning that made you change,” he said slowly and evenly.

  “I know it wasn’t,” I answered. “It was the lady in the lake. She told me to change, and when she touched me, I did.”

  “Yes, but that wasn’t just some lady.” He exchanged a quick glance at Emric, who was staring intently at my back.

  I slowly moved my head over my shoulder, but Asher grabbed my face before I could. I took a deep breath as, for the first time, Asher’s emotions flooded my system, wrecking my very existence with their force. Every muscle in my body tensed, and I could barely force air in and out of my lungs. My teeth ground down on my cheeks, and I tasted blood. The sheer anguish I felt coming off him was excruciating. I pulled my face from his grasp and tried to breathe evenly through my nose, not letting on I could feel his emotions just yet.

  “Nyxa was the one that saved you. And she has gifted you with her own wings.”

  I whipped my head around and found black, bat-like wings hanging limply from my back. As I took notice of them, they held themselves a bit higher, and I felt the strain in my muscles. I stood up and teetered under their newfound weight. I tested my muscles and stretched them as far as I could. They caught the wind and forced me back a few steps before I tightened them back in. I saw Asher stand, and Emric took his place at his side, an amused grin on his face.

  “I’ve never seen a Fae have wings like that. But Nyxa does,” Asher said as he watched me taking them in and out from my body.

  They both watched me as I tried over and over again to open and close them, reveling in the feel of their weight. Now that I had them, I couldn’t imagine ever being without them. I let myself smile as I felt my ears again, their tips still gently pointed at the end under my wet hair. I felt giddy as I looked at my right shoulder, Asher’s dust now dancing a bit more brightly under my skin. I turned back to them and smiled broadly. Emric let out a laugh, and I bit the air at him, flashing my new fangs. Asher laughed softly.


  “I think it’s more of a fair fight now.” I rolled my head from side to side. “Let’s give it a go,” I said and leapt into the air towards Emric.

  Chapter Twelve

  Emric had time to brace himself, but my newfound strength sent him soaring backwards in the air as my hands collided with his chest. I had really only meant to shove him back a few feet, but I guess I wasn’t quite used to my muscles yet. He flew backwards and landed right on his butt. He did a backwards somersault and landed in a crouched position.

  “Whoa,” I said, looking at my hands, and then I burst out laughing. Asher’s mark on my shoulder grew warm, and I looked over at him to find him staring at me with a smile on his face. I reared back like I was going to push him, too, and he threw his hands up in the air.

  “Don’t start a fight you can’t finish, little duck.” He had a wicked glint in his eyes that made me think better of it. I let my arms drop. Asher winked at me, and I wondered how so much evil could fit inside someone who looked that handsome. Emric took advantage of me being distracted to come at me full speed and kick me directly in the stomach. The air whooshed out of me, but he must’ve held back because I didn’t go flying like he had. I stumbled back a few steps but thought quickly and used his combat training to start throwing punches and ducking at his.

  I got a few good hits and kicks in, but I could feel it when he decided to really push himself into the fight. His punches I was blocking hit my forearms harder, and they kept coming more quickly. I let out a small yelp of excitement, and my cheeks hurt from smiling so broadly.

  I ducked to miss another hit, but he changed his tactic and swept his leg down and under mine, and I hit the ground hard, knocking the wind out of me. I groaned through the pain in my wings. Before I could catch my breath, he was on top of me and pressing the point of his dagger he always kept in his belt to my throat.

  Asher let out a low growl, and Emric was immediately up and off me.

  “Spoilsport,” I said through a cough at Asher.

  “Good game, Wheezy. Now the fun can really begin,” Emric laughed. Asher grabbed my arm to help me up, and even the fabric of my sweater couldn’t protect me from the onslaught of his emotions. I pulled away from him, and if there was any surprise in his eyes, he covered it quickly.

  “What was in the forest back there?” I asked

  “Let’s go inside and get you dry and warm, first, please,” Asher said, gesturing towards the castle. I reached my hands up in my hair to wring some of the water out, and little crystals of ice held it together. I conceded and let them lead the way.

  “I’d like to be able to get in and out without one of you. If Emric hadn’t come tonight and I had reached the castle in time, I wouldn’t have been able to get in.” Even though both of their backs were facing me, I saw the look they exchanged. I could feel the wariness seep into the air. “Where am I going to go? According to you guys, I’ve got a bounty on my head. Or people want to kill me. I don’t even know how to get back to England, and if I did, I wouldn’t fit in there anymore. Clearly.”

  “She’s got a point, Ash,” Emric said. Asher sighed and turned around, stopping to face me.

  “The promise you made me out in those woods stands if I allow you this and teach you how to do it.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I know you don’t know me and you have no reason to trust me, but I made a promise. I will stand by it. But keep that in mind when you ask things of me. You haven’t earned my trust yet either.”

  He didn’t seem to like that but nodded and led us back inside. Walking up to the door, Asher suddenly remembered that Isolde had run off and asked Emric to go get her and then meet us in his study.

  “Hey, how do I get these things to go away?” I asked, pointing to the black bat-like wings towering out of my shoulder blades.

  “You’ll have to use your magick. Don’t think too hard or you’ll just make it harder on yourself.” He came closer until the only scent around me was his. My head swam, and those stupid butterflies fluttered back to life. “Just tell them to go away.” He took one of my curls and twirled it around his finger. Heat curled deep in my belly. I watched it as he let it fall back to my shoulder. “Close your eyes, Alyssandra,” he purred. My entire body responded to the warmth pooling around his dust on my shoulder. I didn’t trust myself to look at him, so I did as he said.

  “And then just tell them to go away?” I asked, my voice wavering more than I’d hoped it would.

  “Use your power and tell them to go away for now. Create a space for them in the ether where they can stay until you need them again. They’re part of you and will listen.” I felt his breath on my face and struggled to concentrate.

  “Maybe if you gave me a little space,” I said through a whisper. I heard him give a small laugh before the coolness of his shadows gave way. I took a steadying breath, free from him, and tried to steady myself.

  “I’ve created a little space for you,” I said in my mind. “You’ll be safe there. Go there.”

  The sudden absence of their weight made me take a step forward, my body bumping lightly into his. My eyes opened, and I looked behind me, and sure enough, they were gone. I took a step back.

  “That will get quicker with time. They’ll learn to just know when you want them around and when you don’t.” He shrugged one shoulder and took off down the hall.

  I knew my way around enough now that I could make it back to my room on my own. Asher, going off in another direction to do Gods knows what, shouted after me that his study was the door down the hall from his bedchamber. I waved back over my head and kept going. I wasn’t sure if it was a side effect of the change I had just gone through or if I just had too much to sort through and process, but I was exhausted.

  All this newfound power meant things were going to start changing. I would be strong enough to protect myself now, and Asher would ultimately have to figure out what to do with me. It seemed inevitable that Theron would find out where I was and would either come for me or come for us both. I didn’t like this feeling of being in limbo, between two worlds.

  Well, maybe not so much between two worlds anymore. Now that Nyxa had forced my hand and made me change, it was more like I was between two courts: a court of flame and a court of starlight. I couldn’t see myself ever going back to the human world. Even if I could learn how to use my magic to glamour myself, going back to see my friends would be torture. I’d never be able to live in that world again.

  I also was trying to come to grips with why I hadn’t told Asher I could feel his emotions. His Faery GPS seemed to be a two-way street now, as well. It didn’t seem to work as clearly as it did for him, but I could sense him. I knew he was alive before I even saw him. I could sense his smile and laugh. I just wasn’t sure if I wanted him to know his every emotion was broadcast to me yet. I didn’t trust anyone in this castle completely yet, not even Mavka. And this could give me an advantage. It could help me.

  Mavka wasn’t in the room when I made it back, and I took a selfish look at myself in the mirror. I couldn’t help it—I smiled at my reflection there. Even though I was still very wet from falling in the lake, I was beautiful. My skin was clear and healthy, and my eyes had changed as well. They were still the same honey color that Asher hated so much, but there was a light behind them now that made it look like they were glowing. The freckles across my nose and cheeks were still faintly there. I was still me, there was just more life in me now.

  I peeled off my wet clothes and hung them near the fire to dry and kicked my boots off onto the hearth. The sweater I was wearing was unsalvageable, though: it had been ripped to shreds when my wings made an appearance. I threw the sweater into the bin. I twisted my damp curls up into a haphazard bun and threw on some warm clothes before making my way back out of my room. I turned to say hi to the guard that would surely be there now that Asher had told them I was back, but there was no one there. Maybe I didn’t warrant constant watching now that I was a relatively equal match to someone th
at might come looking for me.

  I walked right into Asher’s study without really thinking about knocking and found him reclined in the chair behind his desk, swirling an amber liquid in his glass. He had changed and wore a pair of loose black pants and a black T-shirt that stretched tightly across his broad shoulders and showed off his chiseled arms and the tattoos. I cringed when I remembered why those tattoos graced his skin. He had one leg casually draped over one of the arms of the chair and the other one curled up underneath. His head was reclined back, but he opened his eyes when I walked in.

  “Please, come in.”

  I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm and surveyed the room. At his back was a fireplace, roaring and cracking with heat. The windows on the wall opposite the door I had come through were deep and covered in cushions. The rest of the room was relatively bare besides the couch and chairs in front of his desk. There were a few bookshelves scattered up against the walls, but that was it.

  I took up residence in the window closest to his desk and looked out at the swirls in the night sky. I pulled my knees to my chest and curled my bare feet into the velvet cushion. I tried to ignore how his dust danced over my skin the same way his did under his. It tickled when he was near, like it could sense its home was close and wanted to get out of me and back to him.

  I turned to look at him, but he was right next to me, holding a glass that matched his, filled halfway with the same amber liquid. I smiled and carefully took it, trying not to let our fingers graze. His eyes didn’t leave my face as I took a sip. I was expecting the smooth burn of whiskey, but instead, it floated over my tongue like warm honey. I took another drink and reclined my head onto the wall behind me, and a satisfied moan came through my lips.

  “What is this?” I looked up at him and watched as his heated eyes stared at my mouth. Between his moods and my own feelings towards him, I was going to get whiplash.